Scientists Warn Roleplay Servers May Lead To Improv

Pay attention: what you read here might save your life. Researchers at Harvard have released a study showing that spending time on roleplay servers may lead to early onset improvisational comedy classes. We know this is hard to hear, and scary, but the facts seem to back it up, so ditch the GTA V RP server ASAP unless you want to be a part-time waiter, part-time improv actor, and full-time annoyance.

“Unfortunately, the connection is pretty strong,” says Stanford chair of psychology Dr. Beck Woodman. “There is a large correlation between those who log onto Rust RP servers and pretend to be a foreign hot dog vendor, and those who pay $150 a month to practice scene work with other pathetic people. I wish this wasn’t the case, but it is. So next time you boot up WoW, be sure that you aren’t going to actually pretend that you’re a seven-foot-tall cow cleric. Because damn, that is sad.”

The terrifying connection between the two activities have led to calls for a Surgeon General’s warning, much like the ones found on packs of cigarettes. The proposed warning would read: “Warning: roleplay servers have been proven to lead to movement workshops, having a poster in your apartment that says ‘Yes, and,’ and habitual watching of Whose Line Is It Anyway.”

“I am just a janitor,” says a guy we found roleplaying on Rust in a fake Russian accent. “I just pick up around these parts after all the fighting. I like to drink vodka and to sleep with big-breasted American woman!” We then proceeded to ask him ridiculous leading questions, such as whether he can eat a hundred hot dogs. Tragically, he “yes, and”-ed all of them, indicating that he was beyond the point of no return.

So what can be done? How can you avoid this fate of living in an apartment in Chicago with four other people, waiting to be called back for a cat food commercial? When in roleplay servers, try to be as non-entertaining as possible. Be a fly on the wall. Try to have all the other roleplayers regard you as an NPC. If you pull that off, you might escape having to be involved in a circular backrub group.

Also, watch out for PvE servers, because preliminary research suggests those can turn you into a little bitch.

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