You’ve finally done it. You purchased your very own virtual reality setup. You’ve got the headset, the controllers, and the base stations all locked and loaded. Maybe you bought some high-end peripherals like a backpack PC, a deluxe audio strap, or even an omnidirectional treadmill. You’ve got a room to put all this stuff in, and you’re ready to rock and roll. You boot up the system anticipating an immersive experience unlike any other. You play for five minutes and get motion sickness. It turns out that the best of what gaming and technology have to give isn’t enough to make up for your feeble, worthless stomach.
“I played through one song on Beat Saber and literally fell over from the nausea,” claims local gamer Anastasia Greenwald. “At first I thought, well, clearly I just need to spend more money on this stuff. So I splurged on some new tech, but lo and behold, I still feel like I’m walking on a rope ladder. I’ll never listen to My Chemical Romance the same way again. Heh, nah, I totally will.”
VR has enabled gamers across the world to experience a new kind of gaming: one where you quickly lose track of which direction is up. Critics are calling the VR platform “revolutionary,” “the next stage of gaming innovation,” and “excuse me, where is the nearest restroom?”
We asked Dr. Tom Furness, a pioneering inventor known as the “Grandfather of VR,” for his thoughts on users’ concerns with the technology. Furness is a Professor of Industrial Engineering and the Founding Director of the Human Interface Technology Lab at the University of Washington. “Fuckin’, I dunno man,” states Furness, “Get better at the game, maybe? Stop having a big stupid brain that gets sick easily. Should’ve thought of that before you spent two Gs, dumbass.”
The professor’s thesis, “Get Out Of Here, Pussy: VR Is Cool And You’re A Barfy Baby” is available on many paywalled academic websites and databases.
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