NBA 2K23 Will Let You Cut Players For Anti-Semitism

Listen up, NBA Fans: the best and only basketball video game series just announced a huge new feature for 2K23. The most beloved aspect of the game for anyone who’s bored with MyPlayer is Franchise Mode, in which you can take the Charlotte Hornets from 23rd place to 17th place. To further enhance the franchise experience, however, 2K has announced the ability to cut players for anti-Semitic remarks—finally!

“It really has just become a feature of the league as a whole,” says 2K developer Sandra Dean. “We know that running a real NBA franchise involves dealing with hateful statements from players, coaches, mascots, and GMs, so we just had to incorporate it into the game. We want the player to have the most authentic franchise experience possible, which is why we’re constantly charging money to unlock new features, just like a real NBA team owner.”

The player will be forced to determine the franchise’s response to anti-Semitism, from making the player take re-education classes to hiring disgraced former coaches and then firing them again after the public backlash.

“How can we determine what’s real?” says provocateur and public idiot Kyrie Irving. “If I say that the Holocaust didn’t happen in a video game, does that mean I believe it in the real world? Or is it just the video game world? How do we know that real life isn’t a video game? If all of this is a video game, I think we know who’s playing it. And to be clear, I cannot be anti-Semitic because I am too stupid to understand what anti-Semitism is. I was implying a Jewish person is playing the game.”

2K also announced enhanced features for the MyPlayer mode, in which your player will have to choose how to respond to their teammates’ anti-Semitic remarks, with the only option being complete public silence.