Tension is mounting at the thirtieth birthday party of brand manager Dan Gibbit, as a lighthearted game of Quiplash has become a slow, grim march towards death. The game was meant to be a fun getting-to-know-you activity for Gibbit’s friends and family, but so far, all the partygoers are getting to know is how much they hate each other.
“On the very first turn, somebody put ‘homo’ as their answer, and nobody laughed,” said a shell-shocked Gibbit. “And then the game revealed it was my friend Michael, who actually is gay. With his usual friend group, that answer would’ve been a hit. But the damage was done.”
The rest of the round didn’t go any better. Clashing comedic sensibilities and a general lack of inspiration resulted in an interminable slideshow of joke answers that were nonsensical, dull, or tepidly offensive. By round two, all conversation had completely died out.
“The prompt I got was ‘a fast food restaurant you wouldn’t want to eat at,’” said Jane Logart, a friend from college who met Gibbit’s high school friends for the first time tonight. “And I didn’t know what to put, so I wrote ‘Bad Burger.’ The other player wrote ‘Yuck Burger.’ And then we all just nodded and moved on. I don’t remember who won.”
Things aren’t going any better in the other room, where Gibbit’s partner Liesl Schneck is valiantly attempting to lead a group of his work colleagues in a game of Cards Against Humanity.
“So the prompt was ‘My new favorite porn star: Joey ‘blank’ McGee,’” said Schneck, putting on a big empty grin. “And the answers are ‘Scientology,’ ‘Batman,’ ‘the cool refreshing taste of Pepsi,’ ‘seeing grandma naked,’ and ‘Black people.’ Lots of funny ones, which to choose…”
At the time of reporting, it’s still way too early in the night to make excuses and leave. However, hope is on the horizon.
“Dan said we’re going to play a game of Mario Party next,” said Gibbit’s cousin Carl. “So that should be pretty chill.”