Do you tend to play tank? Do you get distracted on raid night when you see that gorgeous healer topping the charts while still making room for some decent DPS? When you screw up and drop to 20% health only to be immediately back to full, do you find yourself biting your lip and red in the face? Hi, I’m Alex Carmichael, relationship counselor and veteran World of Warcraft player. If you can’t take your eyes off those stunning Holy Novas, then this article is for you. Don’t get me wrong—if you’re open to a new relationship, then go chase your dreams, tiger! But for the rest of us who like to keep work at work, here’s how to defuse sexual tension between you and your healer.
Step 1: Avoid direct confrontation
If you try to set your boundaries by dragging your healer into a private Discord call and explaining that your heart already belongs to someone and that someone is named Ragnaros the Firelord, you definitely won’t be able to keep your hands off those beautiful pauldrons. This is a common way to walk yourself straight into the line of fire. It makes sense on the surface—you don’t want to embarrass them in public so you pull them aside—but uh-oh, before you know it, you’ve accidentally set up a lovers’ tryst, and that is exactly what you were trying to avoid in the first place. After all, nothing gets the heart pumping like a little forbidden love.
Step 2: Get your head in the game
Try to focus on healing yourself, even if it lowers your DPS. This will make it harder for your healer to blow you away with a perfectly timed Lay on Hands, and it also prevents them from giving you preferential treatment. This, in turn, makes it easier for you to buckle down and do your job as the tank. Your healer might get the impression that you’re mad at them, but as long as you follow Step 1, these feelings will never come to fruition. Rejection always hurts a little bit, sometimes for both parties, but this is what’s best for everyone.
Step 3: Consider switching to DPS
Some healers can be especially persistent and may think you’re playing hard-to-heal. If it comes down to it, you may need to switch off tank. Under no circumstances should you switch to healer; that’ll just make them think you’re trying to get closer. Instead, a simple DPS pick will ensure that you have as little interaction as possible with your would-be lover—all the better if you pick a spec with a bit of self-healing (see Step 2). Unfortunately, in a particularly extreme case, you may even need to think about switching guilds entirely. No one wants to leave their buddies behind, but it’s never the right call to remain in a place where you’re not living up to your fullest potential.
Because once you drop the guild, that means you’re free to fuck the shit out of that healer, baby! Pack your bags because you’ve just earned yourself a one-way ticket to Poundtown!