Op-Ed: Yone’s Mom Had Two Knock-Ups Too

Yone, the highly-anticipated new League of Legends champion, arrived this week with a mix of excitement and terror. As the older brother to the already widely despised Yasuo, Yone’s obvious gameplay synergies stand to create a serious nightmare duo on the Rift. Yone’s kit contains two abilities that knock opponents into the air, one of the most powerful crowd control effects in the game, and one that activates Yasuo’s ultimate. On the other hand, however, anonymous sources report that Yone and Yasuo’s mom had two knock-ups as well. Haha, owned!

Despite countless complaints from the community, Yasuo is the most-played champion in LoL by far, much like how his mother is by far the most-laid woman in her village. Riot initially wanted Yone to be a sort of “echo fighter” to Yasuo, in order to give Yasuo mains a second option and reduce the champion’s inflated pick rate. According to the website League of Graphs, Yasuo boasts a popularity of 25.3% at the time of this writing, which is preposterous in a game with 150 champions, but not as preposterous as his mother’s pick rate of 100% back home in Ionia. Got ‘em!

Yasuo was released all the way back in 2013, and Yone had been a part of his story from the beginning. The lore states that Yasuo fled his home after being falsely accused of killing his master. Yone hunted Yasuo down, only to be killed by the younger brother—that is, if they are actually biological brothers at all. Boom!

Now, as a playable champion, Yone has been mysteriously resurrected and infused with the powers of a demon. In his quest for peace, Yone tracks and destroys other demons wherever he can while his mother gets that pussy destroyed just as often. Holy shit, we’re on fire!

Riot has already teased their next upcoming champion as a “thrill-seeking” marksman. Tune in next time for more juvenile insults regarding the new champion’s mother and the “thrills” she gets on the fuckin’ daily.

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