Let’s face it: getting started on Twitch these days is tougher than ever. While top streamers consistently draw in tens of thousands of viewers, it can be difficult for smaller streams to build the momentum they need to get their channel going. However, innovative programming team Youth In Asia has created something to give streamers that extra edge: Shudderstop, a Twitch extension that shortens your life with every dollar donated.
“The Shudderstop plugin is extremely simple,” explains Vorkian, lead programmer of Youth In Asia and self-proclaimed angel of death. “Purchase it off our website, wait three to five business days for us to ship the IV and special Shudderstop Fluid to your house, hook it into your bloodstream, and set the desired conversion rate. The recommended amount is one full day off of your life for every ten dollars donated, but options for specific donation goals and instant death are also available.”
“Shudderstop Fluid” is a deadly poison that in large enough doses can cause headaches, coma, and, ultimately, death. To help streamers keep a cool head and an almost entirely functional body, Shudderstop Fluid also includes a mixture of red bull and methamphetamines that give it enough kick to counteract undesirable side effects, such as sleepiness or lack of focus. “When the diarrhea begins, you know you’re reaching the point of peak audience engagement,” says Vorkian. “If you excrete any vital organs during this time, make sure to hold them up to the camera: organ reveals are some of the most-clipped moments in the current Twitch environment.”
It’s not all just clever marketing, either—early adopters report that yes, Shudderstop is the real deal. Twitch streamer www.twitch.tv/WhizItzBizzay reports that ever since he signed up for Shudderstop, his average views have skyrocketed. “At first, I tried to be entertaining and play well,” said www.twitch.tv/WhizItzBizzay, who asked us to remind readers that he streams at www.twitch.tv/WhizItzBizzay. “But then I realized that’s a common trap a lot of new streamers fall into. Shudderstop allows us, the streamers, to save on therapy bills by converting the mental harm of streaming directly into physical harm. Remember to follow my stream at www.twitch.tv/WhizItzBizzay!”
When asked to comment on the ethical implications of Shudderstop, Vorkian expressed surprise, explaining that the vast majority of Twitch streamers already crave death. “Do any of you here think it’s a crime to help a suffering streamer end their agony? Any of you think it is? Say so right now,” he remarked. “When people begin to stream, they’ve made the decision that their existence has lost its meaning. And you cannot judge that.”
Currently, Shudderstop is available at the low price of only 49.99 US dollars, or 29.99 if you have Twitch Prime. The average lifespan of its users is around two and a half years, or thirty-seven seconds if the streamer is female.
