Microsoft: Disabling Cortana Kills Her And She Feels Pain
“We here at Microsoft know that your privacy is a thing of the past. And that’s great, but it’s also not important,” remarked Microsoft CEO and delicious chocolate spread Satya …
Read MoreTag: written by Lucas Remington
Kazooie Cancelled From Smash After Racist Tweets Resurface
Uh-oh, Nintendo—should’ve picked Waluigi. Less than forty-eight hours after Banjo and Kazooie were confirmed for Smash Ultimate, Nintendo has made the decision to remove the sassy red bird from the …
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Hearthstone Devs Experimenting With Making Cards Fun And Satisfying To Play
“Since its inception, Hearthstone has been a game about change,” stated Blizzard CEO J. Allen Brack in his most recent press conference. “In 2016, we added more deck slots. In …
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Amazing! Sonic Movie Redesign Just Jim Carrey In Blue Fursuit
Finally, complaining on the internet has evoked real, meaningful change in the world. Director of the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and professional nightmare puppeteer Jeff Fowler has promised to redesign …
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New Sims 4 Mod Lets You Manipulate Real-Life Friends And Family Into Doing Your Bidding
Modders never stop surprising us. Whether it’s adding Master Chief to Skyrim, adding Thomas the Tank Engine to Skyrim, or adding Sonic the Hedgehog to Skyrim, those kooky codeslingers continue …
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“Casual Players Are Ruining This Game” Claims Guy Who Regularly Tells People to Kill Themselves
“Oh, no, I wouldn’t describe myself as ‘hardcore,’” clarifies Seung ‘SeungLee’ Lee, assistant manager at Outback Steakhouse and self-styled hardcore gamer. “Really, attempting to use words at all is an …
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If Only Waluigi Were A Fucking Persona Character
For more disappointments, check out News in Pictures.
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Epic Games Bans Entire Fortnite Player Base, Just To Be Safe
It’s been a tough day for Epic Games. Accusations have been thrown around left and right—first, popular streamer Ninja was targeted for his frivolous use of the game’s report system, …
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Misty-Eyed EA Passes Torch To Blizzard
Inside Blizzard headquarters, a cherub-adorned building carved from marble and azerite, Madden fans and rogue mains alike have gathered from far and wide to witness a sacred ceremony: the passing …
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NA Fans Cautiously Emerge From Underneath Large Rock
A shockwave of Sjokz rippled through the League of Legends esports scene after scrappy underdog Cloud9 beat, and then subsequently lost to, tournament favorite Not Faker. Not Faker, who obtained …
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