Man’s Inability To Purchase 3090 On Launch Day Only Thing Keeping Marriage Intact

Days after September 24th, the launch of the much-anticipated and highly sought-after RTX 3090, the internet is full of tales of woe of those who woke up early for the launch, only to refresh their browser and find that Nvidia had almost instantly run out of stock on their behemoth 24 GB GDDR6X monster. When it comes to local gamer Todd Thompson, however, the tale of woe has a silver lining.

“Honestly, I’m proud of Todd,” says mother of two and beloved spouse Maria Thompson, referring to her husband’s computer, sporting a 980 Ti. “He kept on going on and on about value for performance ratios and generational gaps, and I really thought he was trying to talk me into purchasing a $1500 piece of metal that makes pixels look better. He had me worried there for a second, but of course my husband would never put our finances in jeopardy like that.”

Todd calls us into the kitchen, briefly questioning our reporter on if Nerfwire received any review samples of the card, “just to hold, for a second.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting after the 3080 launch being such a shit show,” he hisses, keeping his voice down and looking past our shoulders to make sure his wife is out of earshot. “I woke up at 6am, she started loading the kids in the car talking about how she was going to her mother’s, I hit refresh, and they’re all out of stock. I sit there in shock for a second, and my only choice is to step outside and pretend I’ve had some big change of heart. When is the Titan version coming out? I bet I’ll be able to pick one of those puppies up. Is it coming out? Aren’t you people supposed to know this shit?”

Maria told us about how, like many people across the world, the Thompson family has been on a tighter budget ever since Todd lost his job due to the COVID-19 pandemic, while Todd told us that anyone who’s even thinking of picking up an RTX 3070 is wasting their time and money and clearly isn’t subscribed to Gamer’s Nexus on YouTube. 

When we asked the happy couple about their thoughts on the upcoming AMD conferences for Big Navi and the new Zen architecture launch planned for early 2021, Maria and Todd began screaming while their oldest, Jeremy, escorted his little sister upstairs.

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