This Elden Ring Slideshow Has No Performance Issues

People online have complained constantly that Elden Ring doesn’t work on their computers, or that it takes forty-five minutes to both boot and fully exit the game, but for me, the slideshow of vicious monsters works perfectly.

I’m loving the game so far. There is something about the difficulty of seeing a monster at one frame every second that really intrigues me. I appreciate that FromSoftware doesn’t hold your hand by giving you information on how to play the game, or even show you what is happening in real time. That’s the Souls-like genre, it isn’t for babies. The only issue I have is if someone recreates the experience by quickly going through a Powerpoint presentation, because that’s piracy.

The game runs like a dream. Sure, sometimes I think that it’s an insidious computer virus designed to brick every application I have, but then I realize that it’s just part of the game’s difficulty. And besides, I didn’t like alt-tabbing anyway, even when the game’s half-finished wiki is functionally essential.

I’m sure that Miyazaki fully intended controllers to only work sporadically on PC. Elden Ring has a good case for also being an ARG, due to the number of times I have to unplug my controller and plug it back in for the game to recognize it. That’s real life: most companies wouldn’t have the guts to pull that off; instead, they would do some pussy move like release a game that can run properly on the first day, or week, or month.

Maybe go play Overcooked! 2 if you can’t handle adult gameplay mechanics like abysmal optimization. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m pretty sure the next frame is ready in the time it took me to write this.

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