799 Blizzard Employees Wrongfully Let Go, Also Kevin

Activision-Blizzard, due to a reported “major restructuring” for the new year, has laid off 800 employees, mainly Gamemasters and customer-facing agents. This news was met with outrage from Blizzard fans, who cite the amazing talent of the company’s Gamemasters and the role they played in securing record profits for the company in 2018. Due to the nature of downsizing, Activision-Blizzard will be saying goodbye to many hard-working and beloved employees today, and also Kevin Clyne, 33.

“Working at Blizzard has got to be one of the best things I’ve ever done,” said Ana Hart, who worked as a World of Warcraft Gamemaster for the last four years. “I’ve made so many friends, and it’s so hard to see them go down with me. I do hear they let Kevin go, though, so it’s not all bad.”

Blizzard’s now out-of-work customer support force should have no problems finding work at other game companies, given that most of them aren’t same-shirt-every-day-wearing, sunglasses-in-the-breakroom weirdos who come in early on Donut Tuesday to get all the jelly-filled ones before anyone else can have any.

“I know that I’ll still have a job tomorrow, but this is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do,” says Corey Drake, a manager at Activision-Blizzard who asked to remain anonymous. “It’ll be a much different feeling in the office tomorrow—there’ll be so many faces missing. I really wish the overwhelming majority of them the best.”

Employees were reportedly tapped on the shoulder throughout the workday, and taken away to sign severance paperwork before being escorted from the building, with the exception of one employee, who was “apprehended from behind with the use of a burlap sack and roughed up as much as possible on the way out.”