Man Staring At Backside Of Beefy Human Warrior Thinks Guys Who Play Female Characters Must Be Gay

“Look, I’m not gay,” local gamer David King told Nerfwire—unprompted—at the start of our interview. “Let’s get that out of the way right now. I am definitely not gay, okay? Are you writing this down?” We began by calmly informing Mr. King that he would face no hostility from us regarding his sexuality either way, but this only seemed to make him angrier. “What, are you saying you think I’m gay? I just told you I’m not fucking gay, yeah? Pay attention.”

David is an ardent proponent of guys who play female characters in video games being classified as homosexuals, whom he affectionately describes as “dick-sucking little pansy-ass cucks.” Elaborating, he continues, “Guys who play ladies? Those dudes are gay as shit, for real. Pretending to be a woman, is that how you get off? It’s like roleplay; it’s disgusting. You’ll never catch me with those fucking fairies. Check out my character.”

King swivels the camera around his World of Warcraft avatar: a tanned human warrior named Thunderbeef. As the axe-wielding fighter flexes idly, his rippling muscles bulge through his extremely minimal, barbaric attire. King clearly keeps the groin of his character in frame as he zooms in. “See that?” David exclaims. “That is a prime slice of grade-A, USDA-approved masculinity right there. I can really see myself sliding into this dude. Like, from a roleplay perspective. He slams chicks every day.”

“David? Oh, that guy’s been gay for ages,” says one of King’s peers, a player named Jon Paulson. “We’ve been waiting for him to realize it for the longest time and he just never does. It’s honestly kind of sad. I’d feel bad for him if he weren’t so openly homophobic. Here—let me show you what a real player’s A-team looks like.”

Jon takes us down his impressive roster of characters, every one of them a slender female with a great deal of exposed skin. He seems extremely partial to the fairer races including humans and elves, there being a curious absence of bulkier species such as orcs and dwarves. “Why would I want to play a fantasy game as someone who looks like me, anyway?” Paulson states. “That’s why I only play as women. For the artistic experience.” As he says this, he rotates his character to see her from behind, nodding in approval.

“One thing I can tell you: that other guy is a real loser, fetishizing these characters like that,” said both men in perfect unison.

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