Wow! This Madden Career Mode Allows You To Shoot Yourself In The Chest To Preserve Your Brain For Medicine!

Madden is known as the best NFL game on the market, largely due to exclusivity rights, but they’ve taken their career mode up another level by allowing your character to shoot himself in the chest to preserve his brain for medicine! Finally, a realistic career mode in Madden!

“We were tired of doing the same unrealistic game every year,” said Madden developer Strom Yurwood. “In most of our career modes, the player would design a character, typically based on themselves, and have a long and storied career. In our next game, only one out of every ten players will have a good career. The rest will burn out of the league in a year and a half, or have their career immediately cut short by a grievous injury. We think players are going to love the fully realized dialogue tree that allows you to convince a Jaguars assistant coach to not cut you from training camp.”

Other options for the player include going to play in the Canadian Football League, getting into a drunk driving incident that gets you immediately cut from your team, or even lying to your doctor about your concussion symptoms so you can keep playing.

“This is by far the most realistic Madden career mode,” said professor of neurobiology Sandra Robertson. “Every single game you play ends with a display of minor and major injuries you have sustained, and then explains how it will affect the remainder of your life. For example, my character, RB Ass Kickums, suffered a traumatic brain injury in his first game that went undiagnosed, and then later in the campaign, I got an event that explained he punched a pregnant woman in the face and had no idea why. It really is quite fun.”

The game really makes you feel like an NFL athlete, frequently losing consciousness for the sake of fans, crying yourself to sleep between immense headaches, and ultimately shooting yourself in the heart so scientists can dissect your broken brain.

Still, you can basically call non-stop bootlegs and the AI has no idea how to counter it.

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