The gaming community is getting heated over Riot’s upcoming shooter Valorant, which many have derided as being too derivative. As a precise, objective-based shooter with a heavy emphasis on out-maneuvering your opponents through control of the battlefield, the most common comparison made about Valorant is that it’s just “Overwatch plus CS:GO.” However, we weren’t satisfied with that over-simplification, and so we’ve cracked the code of Valorant’s true nature: it’s actually just Overwatch plus CS:GO minus Apex Legends divided by Fortnite.
While Valorant undoubtedly features both the precise, tactical gameplay of CS:GO and the Hanzo of Overwatch, it’s also so much more than that. There’s no battle royale mode, for example, which is part of why you can so easily include Apex Legends and Fortnite in the equation. But while everyone has the same abilities in Fortnite, Apex Legends is character-based—in fact, people used to called Apex “Fortnite plus Overwatch.” In other words, Overwatch is just Apex Legends minus Fortnite. That’s why we subtract Apex, but divide by Fortnite, because it’s another step removed from Valorant. Are you with us so far?
But wait, what about League of Legends? You didn’t think we forgot about that, did you? After all, Valorant and LoL are produced by the same company, and Raze’s ultimate ability in Valorant is just like Jinx’s ultimate in League. Here’s the thing: we didn’t need to include LoL in this equation because it’s already in there. Like Valorant, LoL features character-based gameplay and heavy battlefield control. League is just Valorant but top-down instead of first-person. In other words, League of Legends is just Valorant plus DOTA 2, therefore, Valorant is just League of Legends minus DOTA 2. Having established this as a constant, we stick by our original formula.
As a matter of fact, if you plug DOTA 2 into the quadratic formula where x = DOTA 2, any knuckle-dragging layman can see that the game is just negative Ratchet & Clank plus the square root of No Man’s Sky squared minus four times Warcraft III times Paladins over two times Unturned. This is just elementary algebra, and if you can’t see what this has to do with Valorant anymore, do the world a favor and stop calling yourself a gamer. If this math doesn’t check out for you, make sure you’re using Warcraft III, and not Warcraft III: Reforged, although if that’s a mistake you made, you’re clearly not taking this seriously in the first place.
Thank you for reading our conclusive study of what equals Valorant. Please join us next week as we tackle how to make League of Legends equal a fun game.