Unlike Pokerus, Coronavirus Doesn’t Double My EV Gains

If you consider yourself a master Pokemon trainer, then you should surely know about the Pokerus virus. Even though Pokerus is a highly contagious disease, it can help your team of mons grow even stronger. Unlike Pokerus however, COVID-19 doesn’t help me at all with EV training. I mean, I feel fucking awful.

When I heard that there was a viral pandemic sweeping the nation, I was initially elated. I grabbed my dusty old macho brace from my bag and equipped it. After that, I went to my local park and licked several of the benches and a good bit of the playground equipment. It only took a few visits for my sense of smell to fade and my throat to ache. I was ready to start training for real. Before I knew it though, I was admitted to the Houston Methodist hospital and placed in a ventilator. So far, this was nothing like a normal EV training session. But I persisted.

Despite the symptoms, I managed to kill a few insects while I was in the ICU. Under normal circumstances, killing a bug would net me one health EV point, but I didn’t feel my health stat raise at all. If anything, my health EVs massively decreased after contracting the coronavirus. Pokerus, on the other hand, would not have lowered my EVs, it would have doubled all EV gains. Even though Pokerus and SARS-CoV-2 are both absolutely real viruses, only Pokerus seems to be beneficial for training. The doctor tells me I might never taste again.

While I’m at it, I must say that the American healthcare system really needs an overhaul. I don’t have any issues with the cost and inaccessibility of healthcare, but rather, I think it’s preposterous that the staff didn’t even know what EVs were! If they don’t know that, then they probably can’t discern between EVs and IVs either. I’ll bet they just level their starter up to 99 and roll through the Elite Four with it. Really not people you want to be medical professionals.

All in all, I wouldn’t recommend contracting coronavirus as a way to increase your EV gains, but don’t forget that picking up a chickenpox virus early gives you permanent resistance buffs, and that polio doubles your Sp. Atk growth.

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