It’s every gamer’s nightmare. You’re at work—or maybe you aren’t, you’re reading Nerfwire after all. You’re at school in a remedial course, and the teacher goes around the room asking people about their hobbies. You overhear the person three turns ahead of you talking about how they love to party, and you start racking your brain for something to say besides gaming. It comes to you and you’ve got nothing; you say video games. The room goes silent in judgment. The teacher shakes their head and sighs before moving on to the next student. Kevin makes direct eye contact with you, and you know he’s going to strike up a conversation about League of Legends later. How can you avoid this humiliating fate? Nerfwire has you covered with five less embarrassing things you can say instead of gaming when asked about your hobbies.
Admittedly, reading is an equivalently nerdy answer to playing video games, but unlike video games, reading can actually improve your life instead of ruin it. No one outside of a Twilight Zone episode has ever gotten addicted to reading. When asked what you read, it’s important that you don’t say Star Wars or Halo books, because that’s going to land you right back in the shit. Just say you read history books and the women will flock to you.
Saying that you like skiing is an excellent way to avoid your crippling addiction to moving pixels. Skiing is an actual physical activity that’ll display to everyone in the room that you can move without pressing W. Additionally, if anyone calls you on your spurious snow sport claims and asks to go skiing with you, you can just say it’s too expensive right now and you’re taking a break from it. Skiing is expensive as hell, so anyone hearing you say that will think you’re the genuine article.
2. Being a gentleman thief
Standing up and admitting to the group that you’re a kleptomaniac would be a great way to make everyone in the room clutch their purses and wallets tight. But admitting that you work every day to perfect the art of the heist is a great way to get everyone to think you’re a stone-cold charmer. “I like to spend my time perfecting my plans to break into the Museum of Modern Art and replacing their most important works with my calling card.” If you say those words, everyone is going to think you’re the absolute coolest and will likely volunteer to be the explosives expert on your next heist, you son of a bitch.
1. Make up a dog
Everyone loves dogs. By bringing up your dog, even if you have to make one up, you will completely enrapture your audience. Instead of asking you questions you can’t answer, such as “hey do you ever go outside” or “do you have any hobbies that aren’t video games or masturbating,” they’ll instead demand to know more about your adorable animal friend. This will have the added advantage of later being able to claim the dog died to get out of anything you don’t want to do and play video games instead.
So now you know how to avoid social isolation and eternal virginity. All you have to do now is go out and actually try to make friends that you see in person rather than constantly talking on Discord about how they stole your kills. Happy hunting!