The Outer Worlds Doesn’t Let You Have Space Sex So Here’s How To Get A Refund

Gaming journalism has a problem; very often, it’s plain to see that reviewers have played very little of a game before passing along their review. This was clearly the case for The Outer Worlds, which somehow scraped by with an 82 on Metacritic despite the fact that the game completely denies the player of one of the most fundamental, core aspects of any RPG. That’s right—in the “video game” The Outer Worlds, there is zero option whatsoever—on purpose—to romance the several companions the game has to offer. So, here’s how to get your money back.

You may have run into the same problem with the Epic Games Store’s refund policy that we did here at Nerfwire HQ—the 2 hour rule. Clearly stated in their terms of service, the 2 hour rule dictates that any game played for more than 2 hours can not be refunded.

This is a problem for the many of us who served at the beck and call of our companions, earning some interstellar poontang, simply to be met with the disappointing prospect of bettering our crew as people by defining their morals and capabilities on an epic interplanetary quest to free the colony from the oppressive thumb of space capitalism.

Not even implied, camera-pans-to-the-left sex scenes. Nothing.

For those who were led on by the six companions—yes, we are including SAM the Janitor robot on this list—with absolutely no payoff of some intergalactic tunnel patrol for longer than 2 hours, a chargeback may be the only option you have left. Clue your bank or credit card company into the blatant false advertising that there would be intimate relations in the game (see: there’s a woman on the cover) and you’ll get your money back. The added bonus here is that the credit or banking institution of your choice will most likely have a stern conversation with Obsidian, hopefully making sure that you’ll be able to handle things The Witcher style in The Outer Worlds 2.

We hope this helps, gamers—remember, the best way to vote is with your wallet. Your chance to make a difference is today.