The Lost Vikings Fans Outraged By Yet Another Disappointing BlizzCon

“I still remember the 2005 BlizzCon,” says Christian Park, avid gamer and Blizzard fan. “It had so much potential. Hell, The Offspring were there. But did we get any The Lost Vikings news? No—and that kicked off yet another decade of disappointments. This year was no different.”

Park’s sentiments aren’t unfounded—Blizzard has held 12 BlizzCons since the inaugural event in 2005, and not a single one has even announced a remaster for Blizzard’s earliest fantasy title. The Lost Vikings is a 1992 SNES classic featuring Erik the Swift, Baleog the Fierce, and Olaf the Stout, three vikings who are kidnapped by Tomator, the alien emperor of the Croutonians, an alien race that has less to do with salad than you might think.

When asked if he enjoyed The Lost Vikings 2, Park replies, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What do we want? We want a remaster, obviously,” says Gavin Drew, another Vikings fan in what we’d already thought was a pretty large sample size. “Give us a massively multiplayer The Lost Vikings 2 that me and the other two guys can play. You can put it on mobile. We’re even okay with it being on mobile. We’ll be whatever you want us to be, Blizzard. Please.”

The Lost Vikings fans aren’t the only disenfranchised group left behind by Blizzard, however—one fan of the game studio that we spoke to, Louisa Took, had this to say: “What, are those Vikings pussies giving you some sort of sob story? At least they’ve got all of the fantasy titles. Name one vehicle-based game Blizzard has made for us Rock n’ Roll Racing fans, and if you mention Hammond I will fucking kill you.”