Hey, gamers: we’ve all been there. Sometimes you’re just not down for a co-op experience, and you’re looking for a nice single-player journey—but you’re tired of Stardew Valley, and you can’t play Skyrim in case your Mom comes in and sees how you’ve horribly twisted the game to your deepest, deviant desires. Nerfwire’s got your solution—for your lazy Sunday consideration, here’s our five best single-player games because fuck you Preston, you’re not coming back to my house until you pay for the JoyCon controller you broke, and no the joystick wasn’t doing that before you used it.
1. Dark Souls III
This Souls game is considered the masterclass of the series by a lot of hardcore fans, and there’s more than plenty to sink your teeth into. If you’re able to get over the hump of initial frustration, you’ll find yourself in a well-fleshed-out world with gripping level design and limitless playstyles. This has the added benefit of optional co-op, for the off chance that Preston gets his shit together and puts all that stuff back in the guild bank because everyone can see what he took and when he took it so he might as well just return all of it and apologize.
2. Dishonored 2
The Dishonored franchise has a beautiful art style, fascinating gameplay mechanics, and a good few Game of the Year awards. A worthy sequel to the original, the second Dishonored game builds on the original game’s world while innovating gameplay mechanics to keep things fresh for players of the series, all without alienating new players. Speaking of alienating: hey Preston, remember when we went to Tanner’s house and you two played Cuphead the whole time without me and I just watched YouTube videos on his parents’ computer? Because I remember, Preston.
3. Sabbat of the Witch
This one’s porn. Might as well.
DOOM is a game of few words (besides its surprisingly satisfying plot) and fewer poor qualities. The DOOM games have been relatively formulaic ever since the first DOOM in 1993—and that’s fine, as long as the formula always consists of blowing up demons, reloading, and blowing up more demons. This one has co-op as well, but Preston can’t run it on his laptop, so that’s another plus.
5. Apex Legends
We know this was a list of singleplayer games, but Darren and his friend are online, and they look like they need a third. Hope Preston sees us online. Preston fucking hates Darren.