Everyone loves board games! We at Nerfwire are no different. There’s nothing more fun than getting your friends together for a board game night, having some beers, having some laughs, and then enduring an unending explanation of incredibly granular rules. There are so many great board games out there, but Nerfwire has collected the absolute best to explain to your friends for four hours, play one round of, and then go home because it’s midnight and you have 1400 pieces to put away.
Gloomhaven is a terrific game to play with your friends, and even more fun to spend twenty minutes at a time arguing about the meanings of terms. In this game, everyone controls a character working to beat a scenario that takes forty-five minutes to play, and several hours to set up! Thrill in spending each of your turns painstakingly deciphering the arcane and bizarre rules of each of your attacks, and then roll a dice and get automatically blocked. All of this fun can be yours for the low price of—wait, seriously? A hundred dollars? What the fuck. You could buy the Steam version and have it all automated, but you don’t have a PC because they cost too much, and you need that money for bafflingly expensive board games. Did you know that Catan costs, like, $4500?
Have you ever wanted to spend forty-five agonizing minutes explaining how to choose a race? Well now you can in Cosmic Encounter! Every game will be unique as the explanations for each character are the size of a novella, and you have three to choose from! At the very least, you can ruin your friendships by betraying your previous allies and ganging up on them for the sake of winning a game. All that will matter will be the dread feeling of wanting the game to end, a desperate hope that no one suggests you play round two, or that the food arrives early and the game just sort of peters out.
Betrayal at House on the Hill
Oooh, put your spooky hats on and prepare to read card text! The greatest part of this game is that the initial explanation doesn’t take too long: you’re exploring a haunted house with your friends, and you go into different rooms. The real fun comes when you realize that the rules are incredibly backloaded, and you have no idea what the fuck any of the cards you draw mean or do. Eventually, you’ll just have to trust people when they say what their cards do, because hell, you’re not taking the time to read these, and you sort of hope someone’s cheating so this can just end.
The Game of Life
Just like the experience it attempts to simulate, the Game of Life is as convoluted and confusing as it is utterly pointless and hollow.
So get out there and enjoy some games! For like thirteen minutes, if you’re lucky.