Sylvanas Orders Horde Players To Kill Their Parents In Real Life

In a morally questionable but arguably justifiable move, Sylvanas Windrunner, Warchief of the Horde and Banshee Queen of the Forsaken, has ordered all of World of Warcraft’s Horde players to kill their parents in real life.

World of Warcraft boasts millions of monthly subscribers, around half of whom predominantly play Horde over its opposite faction, the Alliance. This week, Sylvanas instructed each and every one of those players to murder their actual parents in cold blood.

“I appreciate your swift arrival, champion,” the Dark Lady said in a statement. “The task I have for you is one of utmost importance. You have sacrificed much in this war, but I fear even more must be asked of you. To ensure the Horde’s future, kill your parents. Do not question my will.”

Many users have reported the Warchief using their real names instead of their character names, as well as displaying their parents’ addresses and social security numbers. The popular MMO also rendered in-game models of the players’ parents, which as astute users noted, appeared to be based on their most recent driver’s license pictures.

“My mom hasn’t worn her hair like that in years,” says troll shaman player Alexandria Wentworth on Reddit. “How did they get this?”

The Lady Windrunner went on to instruct Horde players on various topics such as common household items useful in killing a human being, how to make it look like an accident, and knowing your rights when interacting with law enforcement.

Many killings have already taken place in alleged connection with the Warchief’s orders. Most often, when confronted with the fact that their own children were willing to murder them over a video game, the parents of those involved chose death willingly.