Sorry Guys, I Have To Quit The Guild Because My Antidepressants Worked

Hey everyone, I just want to let you all know that I need to quit the guild. It’s been fun, and I have no regrets. But unfortunately, as great as y’all are, I’ve started taking a new antidepressant and it works really well for me. I’ve found that I just don’t have time to make pixels attack other pixels seventy hours a week, while spending money. I hope you understand.

There’s a bittersweet nostalgia when I recall the countless hours I spent grinding through a dead-eyed, sleep-deprived haze while forgetting to eat or use the bathroom until it became an emergency. But that lifestyle just isn’t for me anymore. If you’d like to stay in contact with me, feel free to follow my Instagram where I’ll be posting pictures of sunsets and grilled asparagus I made myself.

I now have a promising career path in a field I enjoy and I’ve been seeing a yoga instructor twice a week. The hole in my heart that used to fill itself with bitterness and rage (the only emotions I truly knew how to feel) whenever my favorite class received a 2% damage nerf is now dedicated to “Keep Calm and Live Laugh Love” designs on Pinterest. I am experiencing truly unprecedented levels of serotonin.

Still, games have always been a huge part of my life and I fully intend to keep playing them. That’s why some coworkers and I play frisbee golf on Thursdays. I can’t even remember the last time I called someone a slur for performing poorly in frisbee golf. I wear a pastel-colored sweater vest while I play and listen to Portugal the Man.

Thanks for all the memories. I’d be happy to refer you to a good therapist.

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