Shocking: DnD Party Member Rolling Handsome, Dashing Rogue Again

It’s a new story that’s bound to shock and amaze all members of the Saturday DnD group: for this new campaign, Kevin’s playing a Rogue with maxed out Charisma and Dexterity. Kevin, who gamemates are calling “a paragon of original ideas,” and “the guy who’s going to try to fuck the most NPCs this session”, is confirmed to be roleplaying as “Axel Cabrillo,” the womanizing roguish fighter who spends more time performing acrobatic feats during encounters than actually fighting.

“I actually tried to talk him into playing a caster or something, but that backfired,” says Daniel Saros, who DMs the roleplaying group every Saturday in his Tulsa, Oklahoma home. “He just read up on sorcery in the manuals and lo and behold, he came up with a really creepy character that uses magic to seduce adversaries to avoid fighting. It was actually pretty impressive and would have been super overpowered, but I don’t want to have another incident like the day before Thanksgiving last year.”

Kevin, who only plays Outlaw Rogue in World of Warcraft, Twisted Fate in League of Legends, Spy in Team Fortress 2, and McCree in Overwatch, couldn’t be more excited for the upcoming session. “I really wanted to mix it up for this campaign. I was getting kind of tired of the same old characters I always play, so I decided to switch things up a little bit and have this character be a charisma-and-dexterity-based agile fighter who is really into the ladies. That really summarizes who I am inside.”

When asked how what he described was any different from previous campaigns, Kevin explained, “Oh, it’s different this time because he has a gun and daggers.”

During the first session of the campaign, Kevin got very frustrated when Daniel informed him that he was not allowed to only move using the vault mechanic, and didn’t understand why people asked him not to seduce the innkeeper. Their characters were forced to begrudgingly admit that the 20 charisma rogue did have a certain charm to him, despite Kevin being a 37-year-old man wearing an Ace of Base t-shirt who works at Staples.

Kevin’s teammates were melancholy about the finale of their session after Kevin successfully seduced a 47-foot lava monster into giving them its loot, although many believed the same result could have been achieved without the incredibly detailed sex scene narrated by Kevin.

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