Roomful Of Professional Writers Struggle To Recreate Live Cringe For Pretaped E3 Event

During the tail end of the pandemic and the ongoing social distancing regulations, E3 is set to be a completely online experience. Such a major change to one of the biggest events in the gaming industry is bound to come with a fair share of hurdles to overcome. Namely, creating enough cringe content to properly fill a Crowbcat compilation video.

“Cringe is an essential component to these presentations,” says event coordinator Katie Munson. “These embarrassing scenarios create a lot of buzz online and get people talking about the companies associated with them. These companies cannot rely on the value of their product alone. Having people buy these games ironically is the only way most of these projects can be salvaged.”

However, engineering social faux pas in a controlled, sterile film studio is proving to be much more difficult than anticipated, as writers are diligently scripting sequences uncomfortable enough to gather views from bored college students and unmotivated cubicle workers. One hopeful writer says, “It’s a daunting task for sure, but if Ubisoft can write unbearable pretend co-op dialogue for their next first-person shooter, I’m certain we can do the same for the entire event.”

“Any presenter announcing a game’s release can talk eloquently into a camera,” states Munson. “But the hassle comes when we try to recreate the fear in their eyes as they would normally have while looking into the sea of social justice bloggers, clickbait-hungry journalists, anti-social justice bloggers, and underwhelmed nerds who will only show a glimpse of happiness when the Resident Evil 4 remake is officially confirmed.”

It is a difficult task to accomplish for these writers to keep the audience uncomfortable enough to feel secondhand embarrassment but not enough to stop watching the stream altogether. If these writers are unable to accomplish this feat, the producers of E3 will be forced to assemble other cringe-inducing tactics, like hiring dance troupes to perform on stage and inviting YouTube influencers to present awards: all things unprecedented for such a prestigious ceremony of the gaming community.

Nerfwire is excited for E3 this year and no matter how ambitious the goal, we are looking forward to seeing what the showrunners come up with to make all presenters look like they have no idea what to do with their hands.

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