We all like roleplaying, whether it’s playing Cyberpunk 2077 and pretending you have a medium-sized penis or playing D&D and pretending you have a medium-sized penis. But today, the WoW role-playing server Ragnaros was shut down, all of its users banned for trying way too hard.
“‘Twas that vile Horde!” said roleplayer and clinically depressed actuary Randall Evans, who plays a human warrior named Altharian Strongshield. “They strike out with their monstrous tusks and do battle with us! Long ago, in the furnace of war, we—” at this point, Evans was banned along with the rest of the server.
Ragnaros was known for being a hardcore roleplaying server that was almost as fun as it was completely cringeworthy. Without a shred of irony, players would type “Salutations!” to one another, and would name their hunter pets “Sharpfang” or “Razortooth” but never anything hilarious like “Asshole” or “Shitbeak.” Moderators regret having to ban the server, but they stand by their decision.
“Holy smokes, these guys are the worst,” proclaims Blizzard server administrator Jenica Moore. “I have to monitor this server all day. That’s my job, and it just got too painful. People kept referring to their mounts as ‘steeds’ and arguing over who has the ‘swiftest beast.’ They’re all flat 100% movement speed buffs, how do they not get that? One guy is just level fourteen and does nothing but bake bread and fish. For fifteen hours a day. I started by just banning anyone who tried to make their name sound like it was an NPC’s, so we got rid of a few Gorm Shattertusks and Joramin Redbeards, but eventually we were just too overwhelmed. These guys really wanted to roleplay, and it became physically painful to observe, so we had to nuke it. We tried to hire some of the FBI folks who work on child pornography cases because they have strong stomachs, but they could barely handle it.”
Once their bans expire, the population of Ragnaros will be moved to a PvP server where they will be mercilessly taunted and belittled for trying to play the game differently, exactly as they should be.