Phasmophobia Daytime Mode Introduced For Bitchass Pussy Fuckers Who Aren’t Grown

Great news for soft little bitches who just sit in the truck all game: Phasmophobia dev studio Kinetic Games has announced their plans to introduce a daytime mode. Since its early access release, the indie survival horror game has turned heads from numerous whiny babies who wonder why they can’t hunt ghosts while the sun is up. Unfortunately, it looks like Kinetic has chosen to cave to these pathetic weaklings.

For those of us who don’t piss and shit in our own pants, Phasmophobia was the top-selling game on Steam during its peak in the month of October. True fans enjoyed the game for its nail-biting suspense as much as its mind-bending puzzles, and would never dream of playing on some feeble, watered-down toddler mode. Now, it seems we’ll be hunting ghosts in the McDonald’s PlayPlace and going home as soon as someone gets a boo-boo.

“I’m so relieved to finally be able to enjoy the game,” says local pussy Alan Hafford on why he and his gaggle of twerps have decided to ruin Phasmophobia forever. “I really wanted to enjoy the compelling and unique system of strategies, but every time I spent two seconds in a dark room, I would scream like a little bitch and cry for my mommy. My wife has divorced me because I’m such a sad excuse for a man. Unlike me, she plays on professional difficulty and rocks the asylum every night without a word of complaint.”

Other gutless, faint-hearted invertebrates have wondered how this new mode affects sanity, as the hunter’s sanity percentage falls much faster in the dark. “Daytime mode will keep your sanity significantly higher on average,” confirms Kinetic employee and traitor to everything she once stood for Dana LaRosa. The ineffectual, cowardly woman went on to say that small children who have been craving a more laid-back, impotent approach to Phasmophobia will find their stupid little pacifiers in daytime mode. New purchasable items also include a rattle and a teething ring, while dangerous tools such as the lighter have been removed so that the youngsters don’t accidentally hurt themselves.

Phasmophobia’s completed release date is still unannounced, which means all of you fucking soft-skulled infants who still believe in Santa Claus still have time to go and tear down someone else’s horror experience before object permanence kicks in.

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