PCPartPicker.com is a website that helps users create custom homemade computers and search for parts on a variety of storefronts. Without even diving into the specifics, the potential dangers should already be obvious to any sensible reader. Today, after years of not taking an official stance, the FDA has finally made its ruling: it now recognizes the website as a gateway drug.
The official statement reads: “To the uninitiated, this classification may seem confusing. But to those affected by PCPartPicker, it should come as no surprise. The promise of a Fortnite machine that glows blue is a temptation that even the best of us can fall prey to. We’ve all seen how quickly the simple act of picking up a new RAM stick can escalate into something much more destructive.”
Some have even criticized the ruling as not enough, as one outspoken advocate explains: “A simple gateway drug? How many of us have been forced to watch as our loved ones spend upwards of three thousand dollars on water-cooled overclocking builds just to play Minecraft and browse the web? To see our children and siblings and parents silhouetted against the glow of RGB lighting as it hums in sync with the flatlining of their core brain functions? When will it be enough?”
Yet still others argue that the very notion of the website qualifying as a drug is absurd. “You call this an addiction?” asked a commenter on Reddit. “Well actually, the dictionary definition of ‘drug’ doesn’t match up with PCPartPicker at all. If this is a drug, what else is? Coffee? It’s perfectly normal to have to eat lots of ramen to afford your hobbies.”
When asked what other forms of substance abuse PCPartPicker could lead into as a gateway, notable experts responded, “Heroin.”
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