Things were better back then; that’s an incontrovertible fact. Whether it comes to music, pornography, or rhythm games, the kids these days have never truly tasted excellence. These zoomers have no clue how much of a lasting cultural impact the Guitar Hero and Rock Band games had on the world. I honestly bet none of these TikTok teens even know what GuitarFreaks is, and frankly, it’s horribly disrespectful. Kids these days, they don’t even play rhythm games with real fake instruments anymore.
Instead of putting in the hard work of learning to properly play a Guitar Hero controller, all the kids today want to do is buy a silly little drawing tablet and play some game made overseas called osu! (pronounced oh-sue). Those tablets are for drawing, an art form totally distinct from music. It’s like nothing is sacred anymore. When you play Guitar Hero, you are one with the song; you can literally feel it flow from the clicky strum bar into your soul (if these kids even believe in old-fashioned concepts like the soul anymore). You can’t possibly feel the rhythm when you’re just tip-tapping away at a keyboard. Instead of rhythm games making you look like a rock star, these new keyboard games just make you look like a full-stack developer.
It’s gotten even worse than that, though: some rhythm games are in virtual reality now. Seeing Guitar Hero go into VR was like watching Dylan go electric. Why be a fake rockstar in VR when you can be a fake rockstar in your own living room? It hurts to see Guitar Hero so wholeheartedly forgo their roots and embrace a passing trend.
This new generation will never know what it was like to play along to Sweet Child of Mine with a plastic ax nestled in your lap. There’s absolutely no way that they can experience anything remotely close to Guitar Hero and Rock Band in their prime. They don’t make things like they used to. I don’t have to do any research to see if there’s a faithful port (a clone if you will) of Guitar Hero on PC—I simply know in my heart that this new generation can’t do anything right. Next time my ex lets me see my kids, I’m taking those silly computers off their laps and plopping a classic Rock Band guitar controller there instead.
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