Listen up, shitstains: we’re not fucking around and this gun is loaded. If we don’t get at least ten patrons backing us by the end of this month, we are going to start a podcast. Not worried? Here’s a list of what this would entail:
- Referring to all minor celebrities as “friend of the show”
- Commenting on sound quality at the beginning or end of each episode, either to apologize or to make note of its improvement
- Informing listeners where they can listen to the podcast that they are already, in some form, listening to
- Receiving a sponsorship from Audible and talk about what books we’re listening to weekly
- Smugly referencing the existence of the podcast in all personal and professional correspondence
- Commenting on current events regardless of the fact that we have no special perspective whatsoever on these events
- Maybe a special segment where we do improv comedy
We don’t want to do this. You don’t want us to do this. Nobody needs to hear what we have to say, and there are already many, many podcasts out there already that you can not listen to and be frustrated by the existence of. Please, don’t let this happen. We don’t want to buy microphones. With that being said…
This is an open threat. We are sorry it has come to this. If we do not have ten subscribers on our Patreon by the end of May 2020, we will be forced to start a podcast, and we’re going to be real enthusiastic dicks about it.
The Nerfwire Editorial Team
Update (7/11/20): Don’t say we didn’t warn you.