New Mass Effect Expected To Show Full Butthole

Insider sources have confirmed that the recently teased Mass Effect sequel will go even further than previous entries in the series by showing full-on butthole. The blockbuster franchise is famous for its dialogue options, moral choices, and character depth, and trust us, you will see a lot more character depth now, if you know what we mean.

The original Mass Effect generated controversy for its depiction of sex between the player character and their companions, a mechanic which each game built upon.

“We always wanted sex to feel organic and rewarding,” said Bioware co-founder and man who knows how to move copies Ray Muzyka. “The last thing we wanted was for it to feel exploitative. You really had to work to build relationships to have sex with these characters, and that won’t change in this new Mass Effect. In fact, to see the butthole, your character will need to pass through ten minutes of dialogue options, with a very narrow amount actually leading to full butthole. Honestly, most gamers on their first playthrough, not using a guide, are only going to see partial butthole at best, and that’s by design.”

The butthole scene will also feature “paragon” and “renegade” triggers which Nerfwire will leave up to the imagination. Bioware also confirmed that following the scene, the companion you slept with will awkwardly avoid eye contact with you and will be notably less enthusiastic about going on missions with you until you have a frank discussion about boundaries, except Garrus, who will bring it up in casual conversation as much as possible.

Shepard will later go over the footage in detail with EDI as Joker watches from the corner and softly cries.

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