Nerfwire’s Social Distancing Checklist Of Things You Were Doing Anyway

With a global pandemic in full swing, it can be hard to stay safe and stay sane. The pressure to stay home and self-quarantine is taking its toll on nearly everyone’s mental health, but not you, you introverted fucking freak. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, so here’s our quick checklist of safe habits during these trying times, all of which you were already doing anyway.

1. Canceling plans

Since carriers of the coronavirus don’t often show symptoms right away, it’s vital that you keep your distance, even from people who appear perfectly healthy. We know it hurts, but now is the time to prioritize public health above your own personal enjoyment. Well, not you specifically—if you had any plans to begin with, nothing will compare to the rush of dopamine you’ll get from calling them off. Luckily, you don’t have any friends outside of Discord, anyway.

2. Maintaining six feet of personal space

If you truly must interact with people, do your best to keep them outside a six-foot radius. Remember, COVID-19 is an airborne disease like the flu, transmitted through tiny respiratory droplets. It’s not enough to simply avoid touching people—not that that’s a problem for you. When was the last time you hugged your mother, you weird, greasy fuck?

3. Finding things to do by yourself

Boredom is setting in—a lot of people are being forced to get creative to find ways to entertain themselves at home. But remember, social distancing doesn’t mean you can’t go outside! Consider taking a walk through nearby forests or nature trails. The world that you never had time to explore before is directly at your fingertips.

Anyway, back to reality: since you were already perfectly content scrolling through Twitter and playing Overwatch eighteen hours a day, go ahead and keep up that routine, bucko. Zero lifestyle changes necessary. Make sure that you stay inside, though, for real—the virus is only relatively safe for healthy young adults.

4. Washing your hands

Have you not been washing your fucking hands?

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