“I just can’t wait!” says fresh-faced tauren warrior Cooper “Sissifiss” Charlton, expressing his excitement towards the World of Warcraft endgame of getting yelled at by some sweaty nerd over Discord. “I know that a lot of the verbal abuse you get in this game is level-gated, so it’ll really be a sense of accomplishment when I hit 60 and some guy who hasn’t had a functional real-world relationship in six years screams at me for pulling aggro!”
Reportedly, many unapologetically loathsome guild leaders are already looking forward to shrieking at the prospective new guildmate. Randall “Hordelord” Scott, leader of the guild “Unironic Ricky Gervais Fan Club,” has this to say about the up-and-comer: “I hope he chooses our guild, because I am going to absolutely mangle the soul of this man. Being a guild leader is a full-time job, particularly if you have no offline friends and no marketable skills. He’ll need to take this game seriously, or so help me God, I will yell some incomprehensible bullshit about loot councils.” Hordelord wiped his brow of sweat, leaving a visible trail of Cheeto dust.
Other guild leaders have also come forward to court Sissifiss with increasingly revolting displays of humanity at its darkest. Some promised solemnly to never lower their voice beneath a shrill howl, others vowed not to allow any guild members to genuinely enjoy the game for even a second.
“I’ve heard from a lot of my friends that these guild leaders will lose their mind over the smallest thing,” continues Sissifiss. “I can barely wait to get called a virgin by a 42-year-old with carpal tunnel syndrome. Hopefully I can hit 60 soon so I can immediately get flamed for not knowing something about the game that no one with a social life could possibly know.”
At press time, Sissifiss was given a taste of what was to come when he tried out some of the new dark-skinned elf options and was immediately called the N-word.