Heads up to anyone planning a Hylian vacation anytime soon: the Center for Disease Control has reached out to the Kokiri Tribe’s leader, Mido, who ruled that its citizens are now required to wear a mask when meeting the Great Deku Tree.
“The Great Deku Tree is certainly at high risk,” says Dr. Michelle Berk, a representative from the CDC. “Not only does its age of 100+ years make it vulnerable, but there are other underlying factors that could make an infection potentially lethal. If it were to get COVID-19, who knows what that would do to strengthen Queen Gohma?”
Outside of Kokiri Forest, opinions are varied and heated.
“Mido is just another one of those sheeple!” screams King Zora at no one in particular. “I found this research online from someone named Qanondorf who said that masks are as useful as a fire tunic in my temple. You can’t let them control you! Next, they’ll be telling us our fish can’t go to school! It’s bullshit!”
The princess’s attendant, Impa, had kinder words. “We Sheikah are firm believers in science. It’s not being caused by the immigrants coming from Death Mountain, it’s coming from us ignoring the warnings of experts. If we continue taking precautions, we believe we can end this pandemic by the time the Hero of Time awakens in… wait, seven years?”
A Kokiri resident who asked to remain anonymous had this to contribute: “HYAAAA! HIIEEEE! Ki-huh!”