Long-term relationships take a lot of effort to stay alive, and I’ve certainly learned that firsthand. In the words of the Supremes, “Love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.” Truer words were never spoken, but unfortunately, my marriage with Guildmaster Wigglytuff from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time has been mostly take and very little give. Now that I’ve completed every quest and in-game event, our conversations consist of nothing more than a simple congratulations for becoming a Secret-rank explorer, and frankly, I’m seriously considering ending the relationship. What could tear apart a marriage that’s lasted over sixty hours now? In short, I’ve reached the end of his dialogue tree.
We initially bonded over our mutual love of exploring dungeons, and perfect apples. Everything made sense back then, and things were going great. He’d remind me every in-game day that smiles go for miles, and that really struck a chord with me, echoing the Supremes’ classic lyrics, “Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.” While the memories I have of our honeymoon period are held very near and dear to my heart, I can’t help but feel that the magic isn’t there anymore since I’ve 100% completed the game. It feels like he has nothing more to say, and that’s because he literally doesn’t.
After a long day of grinding missions on Zero Isle, I just want to come back to the guild headquarters and talk to him about my day (or anything, really), but all he wants to say is “Congratulations on reaching the Secret rank, I knew you had it in you!” over and over again. While this is genuinely kind and supportive, he’s repeated it so much that it’s been stripped of all meaning.
It’s like I’m talking to a robot at this point. I would love to know Guildmaster Wigglytuff’s take on things like NFTs or Squid Game, but since I’ve completely exhausted his dialogue tree, I’m getting nothing from him. It’s as if he doesn’t even care. I think the Supremes best summarized my feelings when they said, “Not happy like I used to be; loneliness has got the best of me.”
Maybe it’s his depleted dialogue pool, or maybe it’s just that he has a hard time expressing his emotions. Regardless of what’s going on, I can’t take it anymore, and so I’ve scheduled a meeting with my divorce lawyer, Phoenix Wright. Thank Arceus I have a prenup.