Cryptocurrency trader and aspiring rich person Travis Jeffrey was elated today when he found that the cryptocurrency he invested heavily in, Delirium, was at an all-time high. Jeffrey decided not to sell, and was pretty sure that Delirium would go higher tomorrow, and that he wouldn’t be completely devastated at his lost income.
“There’s no way it doesn’t climb higher,” said crypto believer and simpering fool Jeffrey. “If it hit an all-time high today, I see no conceivable way it could drop three thousand dollars overnight, losing me tens of thousands of potential earnings and sending me into a spiral of brokenness that I will desperately try to crawl out of by making terrible option plays.”
“I’m just happy that I’m rich,” he chuckled, gesturing at a number on his screen that could lose its real-world value at literally any moment.
Jeffrey’s “hodling” sentiments were echoed by investing groups on the internet, such as the popular r/wallstreetbets, a subreddit that has become a legitimate market force, wherein the most powerful shitposts can create market trends propelled by idiots gambling away their stimulus checks.
“Yeah, you definitely need to hodl, things are definitely gonna go up, DEL to the moon 🚀,” said r/wallstreetbets user and degenerate gambler u/beetupcucks, adding “bear gang absolutely in shambles LOL,” garnering six upvotes.
Jeffrey’s previous investment schemes of losing money on options and buying marijuana stocks had not garnered a tremendous amount of money, so he took a hot tip several years ago on buying Delirium, and, by the sheer law of averages, it turned out to be a correct call. Jeffrey now faces the tough decision of selling now and earning tens of thousands of dollars, or being a fucking moron.
At press time, Delirium had dropped 45% and Jeffrey reaffirmed his commitment to hold onto it until he was long dead, but pretty rich.