Existentially terrifying news today as the seventeenth Oddball game in a row caused local man Mark Pepper to doubt his capacity for free will. Pepper had been playing Halo Infinite for three hours and saw only Oddball games with no variation.
“I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. Am I that worthless?” said the gamer and powerless sack of flesh. “I just want to play some fucking Team Slayer, but I can’t select it. The playlist claims that there’s an equal chance to play other game modes, but I don’t think that’s true. I hear ‘ball dropped’ in my dreams. It horrifies me. I don’t think I can go one more game of picking up that stupid fucking skull and having my teammates abandon me. I’m beginning to think life is pointless and we’re all just made to die. And to pick up and hold balls for 100 seconds, of course.”
Oddball is a game mode that has been consistently available throughout all Halo titles for the last twenty years, and has been willingly selected to play about three times during that period.
“We really wanted to break our community’s spirits,” said head of 343 Industries Bonnie Ross. “Our team polled thousands of our most dedicated gamers about their favorite game modes, and then we threw all that shit in the garbage and made it all Oddball. We really wanted to evoke the feeling of taking a multiple choice test and getting ‘C’ seven times in a row. We think that level of anxiety and fear really enhances the gaming experience. We also thought it would be funny to make any progression in the game based off of super arbitrary and specific challenges, and then taking away our players’ ability to choose games that would allow them to complete those challenges. Since we are 343, we aren’t contractually allowed to have a fully successful launch, so we added this irritating horseshit.”
At press time, Pepper was striking a deal with Beelzebub to finally get to play SWAT at the cost of his immortal soul, directly before loading into an eighteenth match of Oddball.
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