Sad news out of Illinois today as local League of Legends player Thomas “Bl00dDragon” Westin passed away from severe cognitive dissonance after realizing he might be the problem in his League games. The eighteen-year-old Yasuo main tragically passed away this morning following a brief moment of self-actualization, which apparently was so traumatic it caused an aneurysm and his untimely death.
“I just can’t believe it.” said friend and frequent subject of blame Anthony Gish. “I used to play games with him all the time. He would play Yas, of course, and I would play jungle. I would gank him a lot and get him ahead, but he would still find ways to feed. At the end of the game, he was always yelling at me in Discord about how I had no pressure, or stole kills, even though I made the kills happen. He was so full of life, and hate. It’s unthinkable that he would even have a second of clarity and intelligence, but I guess that was too much for him.”
The apparent trigger came when he spent an entire game flaming his team, despite dying eleven times. Despite calling them “dogs” and “absolute shitters” his team unfortunately did not take the bait and argue with him, leaving Westin with an unfortunately fatal chance to become introspective.
“This is rare, but it does happen,” explained Harvard chair of psychology Donatello McMurphy. “The human brain is a fragile thing. If you construct a world of falsehoods, such as that you are good at League of Legends, any information to the contrary will be quite disastrous to your psyche. In Thomas Westin’s case, it turned out to be fatal. He had it coming though, I hate Yasuo players.”
“Man, I can’t believe we lost.” Westin melancholically groaned to his stream mere minutes before his untimely demise, “I’ve only played two-hundred games so far this season, and I’m already stuck in silver. I try to explain to my teams what they need to do but they never listen. Geez, I have a 1.2 KDA with 183 games played. Maybe if I died less, I would win more games. Maybe I should spend less time flaming and more time focusing on my own lane, or if I played to impr—AGHHH!” Westin then suffered his dissonance attack, but tragically, no one was watching his stream to call an ambulance.
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