Welcome news for paycheck stealers today as the LCS Players Association has just released a press release declaring Champions Queue as “pretty cringe tbh.”
“Just because these people get paid to play professionally doesn’t mean they have to improve,” said president of the LCSPA ZionDarshan in an extended post and bullshit excuse. “Champions queue is a wonderful thing if you’re fucking cringe and you like to practice, but all the cool players realize that CQ is actually pretty unchill. Nobody else understands the pressures of being a League of Legends pro. Could you imagine going to work every day and being asked to communicate with your team members by voice instead of by pings and chat? That would be nightmarish, and it is exactly what CQ demands of us. Except it’s a video game we get paid six figures or more to play. If we decide to play it. Which we mostly don’t.”
Champions Queue, a specialized ladder composed exclusively of tryharding pros and semi-pros, is commonly known as the best practice environment available to top-level League players in the world. On the other hand, Jesus, fuck that shit, right? Give us a break. Yet not all players share this sentiment.
“Champions Queue has proven to me, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am the greatest player in the world,” said CLG mid lane disappointment and nameplate protestor RJS. “It’s a wonderful thing. I can queue up, get in a game with people who will verbally express their displeasure at me being on their team, and then prove them wrong by getting stomped by better players in mid. I even formed a sort of rivalry with Jensen. Sure, he beats me thirteen or fourteen times out of fifteen, but on that fifteenth time, he might have connection issues that let me really take him to school. So it’s a pretty even matchup.”
Fortunately for the overworked players, Riot Games has shuttered Champions Queue for the duration of the off-season, a welcome break for everyone who didn’t play anyway because improving is boring.
Upon its return, teams will begin offering greater incentives to play Champions Queue. Players have already begun clamoring towards the queue again after it was announced that for every ten games played, they get to physically injure RJS once.