It’s alright if you’re not a high-tier raider—World of Warcraft is a massive game with plenty of content for people of all strokes. Between such side activities as fishing, archaeology, cosmetic runs, leveling alts, and uncovering secret mounts, it’s unlikely you’ll ever run out of ways to distract yourself from the grim reality of your life as it caves in around you. So if you’re back on the daily grind, playing Blizzard’s ol’ reliable for twelve hours a day, it might be time to ask yourself: is World of Warcraft good again, or are you just spiraling into a deep depression?
If you’re like us, you’re wracked with the pain and isolation of hopeless existential quandaries almost daily, to the point where even drugs and alcohol can’t fill the cold, empty void in your chest quite like World of Warcraft can. You fondly remember countless sleepless nights spent raiding with your guild into the wee hours of the morning, when all your troubles would simply melt away. You wanted to hold on to those moments forever, but now your guild is gone, moved on to better things, and only you remain. But don’t worry: Ahn’Qiraj is coming out on WoW Classic this month, and it’s looking pretty tight.
Battle for Azeroth has come to its unofficial end while we wait for the new expansion, Shadowlands, and while you don’t have an alpha key, you can always watch other people who do. But that doesn’t mean it’s game over—in fact, tons of special achievements and mounts will become inaccessible when Shadowlands launches, so you better get them now instead of worrying about COVID-19, police brutality, the rising tide of white supremacist fascism, the rapidly approaching environmental catastrophe deadline, the rich bureaucratic sociopaths who will never willingly make the fundamental changes we desperately need, or the take-out box that’s been sitting on your piano keys for how many months now?
Did you hear that Lor’themar and Thalyssra are in love? That’s right, there are spicy new short stories to immerse you in a world where things seem to really matter, where love is pure and real and untainted by emotional baggage. And if you’re a lore buff, there are still countless Warcraft books and comics sitting in your backlog along with literary classics like The Hobbit and Pride and Prejudice that you’ll never read. Your friends are all really worried about you.
Ruining your life again only costs fifteen dollars a month, or thirteen if you sign up for the biannual subscription. Don’t wait!