Investigative Report: The Katamari Legacy Is One Of Sexism And Discrimination

Anyone aware of Katamari knows of the King of the Cosmos, the flamboyant, groovy leader of the universe as we know it. Many admire the king for his extravagant personality and charisma as he flies over the Earth leaving a giant rainbow in his path. A seemingly beautiful gesture, until you realize that the LGBT community is banished under his reign.

For a monstrous cosmic sovereign overseeing every being in existence, the king is clearly bigoted towards the disenfranchised denizens of the universe. In a textbook example of gentrification, the galactic overlord sends his son out to clear out large sections of urban neighborhoods in order to create something more desirable for the upper middle class.

It doesn’t stop there, however—when the prince was tasked to recreate the Andromeda galaxy, the king demanded that the katamari used in this task be made of “Only smokin’ babes. Like, broads built like a brick shithouse. No fatties or you gotta start from scratch.”

There have been numerous other stories related to the monstrous royal’s disgusting actions, but a lack of willing accusers led to an absence of any proper investigation. These claims have gained more traction recently as evidence was uncovered that the King would have eye witnesses and victims rolled into a giant ball and launched into the vacuum of space, which investigators claim “seems suspicious.”

With the increase in allegations as these crimes come to light, numerous petitions and demands for the heinous ruler’s resignation have been made, yet little has come to fruition to see the King step down from his throne. Even with the universal king still in power, the forty-foot statues of the king have been taken down, and his name is planned to be removed from the King of the Cosmos General Hospital and Orphanage.

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