If You’re Not Playing Plants Vs Zombies At 120 FPS Don’t Call Yourself A PC Gamer

So, you think you’re a PC gamer. Got the custom hardline water cooling, you got the graphics cards in SLI, and your RGB requires more power than a small Italian village. Good for you, bud—but, as my personal friend and mentor Eric Clapton always told me, It’s In The Way That You Use It. They’ll probably call this one an opinion piece. An editorial. Well let’s set the record straight: this is neither—this is gaming Bible. If you’re not using that rig to achieve gaming greatness—and by gaming greatness I mean running Plants vs. Zombies in at least a clean, crisp 120 FPS, you’re not only not a true PC gamer, you were never even going to get close.

“But so-and-so, I’m running such-and-such game at 144 FPS on Ultra settings,” you tell me. And sure, I get it. It’s nice to play Red Dead 2 and look at how nice the visuals are on your 1440p display. You like to be immersed, and experience the best of what gaming has to offer, and Plants vs. Zombies isn’t exactly that, graphically. And that’s true, so-and so. You’re right about such-and-such.

But consider this—we don’t push Plants vs. Zombies far beyond the limits of what the developers intended when they pushed it to PC because we want the visuals to look as good as possible. No, it’s about domination: dominion over our fellow man, playing Plants vs. Zombies on mobile phones, tablets, and God-knows-what. It stands as a constant reminder, on a dedicated 4th monitor off to the side, that we are superior, ineffable, and should be recognized as such.

Anyway, this article was technically supposed to be a review of the Civilization VI update, so go check that out. Eight out of ten.

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