Honda Stock Plummets As Doublelift Retires

The 2021 preseason has been one for the history books, with massive changes happening across prominent EU and NA teams, with perhaps the most shocking thus far being Yiliang “Doublelift” Peng’s resignation today, where he posted a candid, heartfelt reflection on his career in the LCS, making sure to mention the r/doubleliftstrophycase subreddit at least once. For many, this is the end of a story—but for Honda, the car company famous for their “It’s What You Do” ad featuring Doubelift, the story is only beginning.

“Fuck me,” hisses Darren Gardner, Vice President of Honda Powersports Division, during his interview with Nerwire today. Perched in front of his open high rise office window, a trembling hand clutching a beer bottle, Darren hollers, “He could have given us some warning, no? No warning? Before removing us as a competitive motor company in both the Korean and American markets. Fuck me, fuck me, turn off that fucking phone!

The financial expert we consulted for this piece, our one friend with a Robinhood account, even went as far as to call the stock “effectively worthless” after markets open tomorrow in a post to r/wallstreetbets that received dozens of upvotes from like-minded experts.

When asked by our writer on the street below whether or not he thought the company would survive tomorrow’s opening bell, Darren whipped the half-empty bottle down at the small crowd of other gaming journalists and podcasters that had gathered. Below him, Honda executives in similar contemplative positions on their windows also shower the group with crystal decanters full of scotch, framed diplomas, and MacBook Pros, forcing the crowd below to allow the firefighters to erect their landing pad.

Honda dealerships across the country have been seen disassembling large signs next to the highway that display the temperature, and soon thousands of Accords and Civics everywhere will be without a lower-middle-class home. The Dow is expected to open to a record low on Thursday morning, with some predictions that Honda’s corporate crisis could cause a bubble to rupture in subprime auto loans, causing a larger impact on the economy beyond the collapse of Honda itself. TSM, comparatively, is also looking at a tough seat to fill in their roster for the upcoming 2021 competitive season.

Video footage recovered from a fan outside of Peng’s house mere minutes after his retirement shows a Nissan with tinted windows pulling away from the house right after the tweet began to go viral. Nerfwire will keep you up to date on the upcoming federal investigation.

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