Heartbreaking: C9 Sneaky Forced To Play Heroes Of The Storm Just To Survive

After Cloud9’s heartbreaking defeat at the League of Legends World Championships, North America was once again entirely unrepresented in the quarterfinals, a huge step backward for the oft-maligned region. NA fans everywhere are devastated, but none have taken the blow more seriously than C9 Sneaky, who has recently parted ways with the Cloud9 organization. Sneaky still streams on Twitch, and while League of Legends is his signature game, it seems that the former ADC superstar has truly fallen on hard times. He’s been forced to play Heroes of the Storm just to survive.

“I’m not gonna lie, those losses hit me pretty hard,” states an unshaven, bloodshot Sneaky. “I’ve already logged two or three hundred hours into Heroes. Of course, my core fanbase wants to see me play League, but I’m trying to branch out. What choice do I have? Sometimes I spend what little money I have on whiskey instead of food. The emotional pain is worse than the hunger. You guys are gonna spot me for some take-out though, right?”

“Truth be told, I couldn’t give less of a shit about gathering doubloons for Captain Blackheart,” Sneaky continues. “I don’t know Blizzard lore too well, but I don’t think that’s based on any existing plot. This whole thing is so weird and tacky, it just feels like a big fan-game.” Stream footage shows Sneaky booting up the game with joyless eyes and being brought almost to tears while choosing between Raynor and Tychus, HotS’ top-tier ADCs. Yeah, we didn’t know either.

Sneaky is also known for his surprisingly high-effort cosplays of League of Legends characters such as Sivir and Lux, but tragically, he now seems to be planning to suit up as a Blizzard character. “Under normal circumstances, I’d be pretty happy to cosplay someone like Valeera or Nova. But right now, it doesn’t feel like a choice. I feel like a dancing monkey.”

While the C9 organization has not released an official statement about the condition of their former superstar, head coach C9 Reapered has tweeted about the situation, remarking, “I really hope Sneaky ends up in a better place. It’s just sad to see him like this.” Reapered went on to explain that while he stands by the team’s decision to part ways with Sneaky, they all feel an immense amount of respect for his contributions to the esports scene as a whole, and wish him all the best.

Except for Licorice, who hopes he fucking dies.

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