“Man, this really takes me back,” says Charlie Marr, shaking his head with a smile. “They really captured it, I mean the whole experience. It’s like I’m living it all over again. I mean, this game is fucking terrible. Anyone down for some Forge?”
Halo 4 recently released on the nostalgia-inducing Master Chief Collection, which has reintroduced us to the series that got many into shooters when they were kids, saving up for an Xbox Game Pass or just playing split-screen with friends after a long day at school. Halo 3 really hit this spot for us at the Nerfwire office, and maybe it’s just the rosy retrospection speaking, but we really enjoyed tooling around in Valhalla again. Just like we enjoyed playing Halo 4 for a couple of minutes, realizing that the franchise had jumped the shark, and that jetpacks kind of make the game suck somehow.
“It’s kind of, like, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts vibes, right?” Marr tells us after taking a moment to think of the biggest possible disappointment he could muster. “Or your first time 69ing. Like, I can’t breath, you know?”
Marr isn’t alone in considering Halo 4’s remastered release a masterclass in repeated disappointment. “I really liked how they kept the campaign super short, so you can just get your full disappointment’s worth in a few hours,” says one review from Steam user ShadowBelter. “Honestly, I forget the entire campaign already, and I played it this morning. Covenant, or something. Or maybe that’s World of Warcraft? I honestly don’t remember.” The sentiment seems to be shared, with the game receiving a devastating “mixed” review score on the DLC’s Steam page.
When reached for comment, Microsoft bricked every Xbox in the Nerfwire office, said they would fix them, and then sent them back still broken.