Members of the guild “Mortal Kumbat” on World of Warcraft: Classic have recently become concerned that their charismatic guild leader Flickmycrit is attempting to set up some kind of Jonestown situation.
“It started innocuously enough,” says tauren main tank Moosterbater. “At first he would just say that we need to do a guild meetup, and kept talking about how he wanted to check out Central America. Just normal guild talk. But things got weird when he asked the loot council to start portioning out everyone’s spouses to the highest DPS guild members, and insisted he get to have my wife because she was BiS. I almost /gquit there, but this server is pretty dead so I’m sticking with it.”
We sat down with Flickmycrit and found him to be surprisingly handsome and genuine, and don’t see what all the fuss is about.
“It really is not as bad as people think,” the wonderful and all-knowing Flickmycrit explained to us, “We have a great guild that can run Molten Core insanely fast. The natural progression from that is to hang out, drink some delicious Kool-Aid, and have immense orgies where I am the center of attention at all times. The rules to the guild are pretty straightforward: you give up all your possessions to me, pledge your soul for 17 billion years of hard labor, and in turn, we will congratulate you when you buy an epic mount.”
At the risk of editorializing, we at Nerfwire would like to say that Flickmycrit is a nice guy, and our wives and children will surely think so as well. All reading this should look at the simple facts he presents, and pledge their heals and undying love to the great Flickmycrit, and worship him as well as the Hand of Ragnaros, his almighty hammer. Drink deep of his nectar and he shall lead us into the next world, and into the realm of Onyxia. Praise be to Flickmycrit. Join us.
But no fucking ret paladins, pick a real spec you fucks.