In a truly disgusting example of PDA, this bottom lane in your League of Legends game is very clearly a couple in real life. The Kai’Sa and Janna, named “HerCarry” and “HisSupport” respectively, are flaunting their relationship in front of you as if you shouldn’t be revolted by it.
“We are partners in League and in life,” says HerCarry to audible groans in the interview room. “I tease her sometimes for only playing support, but she likes it, and is good enough to have a 49% win rate on it over 700 games. Sometimes I’ll call her ‘the wife’ when I am out with the fellas playing a little mini-golf and slugging back IPAs. Of course, I always come home to her, because she always supports me.” [Editor’s note: HerCarry continued speaking, but the interview was cut short due to our interviewer becoming violently ill and the remaining staff having already left the room.]
The couple, who both work as accountants in a major city, spend most of their time with their “fur babies,” getting their hair dyed crazy colors, and watching Marvel movies, because of course they do.
“I was going to play Rakan, but he’s a guy, and my boyfriend doesn’t like me playing boy champs,” says HisSupport, while working on her fucking knitting. “I only play champs like Janna, Nami, Soraka… You know, champs that really can help my boyfriend—who is the best, by the way— succeed and win! Sometimes we even talk in all chat about how well we’re doing and how much we love each other!”
Sources confirmed that the duo’s favorite phrases include “you must be fun at parties,” and terms such as “doggo” and “heckin’ cute,” which is just fucking disastrous. The teammates of the duo were not quite as enchanted with the players as they seem to be with one another.
“Yo, fuck these people,” says top laner for one game and incredibly sympathetic character “Icexlord.” “They just spent the entire time using chat and fed a shitload. When I tried to tell them to focus on the game, they just kept sending messages about how it was just a game and they wanted to have fun with their sweetie. It was stomach-turning. The worst part is, they made sure every message they sent had perfect grammar, and then corrected our grammar when we were just trying to type quickly. I hope they get herpes.”
At press time, the couple was arguing about how to best arrange their Funko Pops.