The Food and Drug Administration has announced that starting June 1, 2022, all gamers of any kind will now be required to have a label identifying them as a GMO gamer or “real, true gamer.”
“We have heard your concerns,” Dr. Brittany Bluefield said at a press conference, beaming with pride. “For far too long, people have come into our communities and acted like they know the difference between a Tatsumaki Senpukyaku and a Kishin Metsuretsu. The people who don’t know what it’s like to queue for five hours when the servers are full, just to do your dailies, and log off. These people have had untold impact in so many gaming environments, and the only way to put a stop to this chicanery is to designate which ones are real gamers, and which ones are GMO.”
Dr. Bluefield went on to explain that “GMO, in this case, stands for ‘go mobile only,’ as that’s where these wannabe talentless dweebs should be. We believe there should be a hard line drawn, where they can have their own separate but equal gaming experiences.”
The FDA will also mandate labels for those who are not “true” nerds. They are reportedly scouring Twitter for those who are confused as to when Superman will join the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or those who say “of course I’m a nerd, I have over forty Funko pops!”
Many gamers are happy to see the FDA embracing the gaming community in an official fashion, while others bring Dr. Bluefield’s credentials to question, as evidence suggests that she hasn’t beaten Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice.