Dungeon Master Insists He Couldn’t Have Prevented Ogres From Making Your Character A Sex Slave

“Believe it or not, this wasn’t up to me,” says local Dungeon Master Chris Wong, shortly after the adventuring party had been bound and gagged by a clan of marauding ogres. “As a dungeon master, I create a free, open world, yes, but I chain it down with rules. Get hit, take damage. Steal an ogre’s livestock, there’s going to be consequences. This wasn’t my choice. Now, everyone roll a constitution save and get a glass of water.”

We spoke to the players to get their take on the situation.

“I guess we shouldn’t have stolen that cow,” said half-orc druid Matthew Bentley. “But we were starving in the middle of nowhere, and he wouldn’t sell it. It felt like we had no other choice. We left the money in a bucket by the door!”

According to reports, the bucket was used later on.

The equally distraught dwarf warlock Alyssa McCarthy, who described the scenario as “friendship-ending and too specific,” had this to say: “It might’ve been different if we’d had the option to escape. Like, I wouldn’t be so upset if this was another chapter in the adventure, but he decides to just call off the fucking campaign there? Or, no, that’s what he should have done, instead of holding us social captives in his house while he [redacted] all of our characters’ [redacted].”

“I rolled like ten sleight of hand checks this session,” said human rogue Darren Solano. “I crit twice, and still couldn’t get my hands free. Of course no matter what I rolled after that, I still got [redacted] over and over for trying to escape. I canceled other plans to make it tonight.”

“I don’t understand what they’re so upset about,” Wong, who now has four less friends, claimed. “There have to be rules in DnD, or there’s no stakes. Sometimes you’re just going to have to tough it out and get [redacted] by Glaz’Garok the Ogre King. If you can’t handle that, don’t play.”

“I mean, read the player handbook,” he says, holding up a copy of the Kama Sutra.

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