Dignitas Employees Trying Not To Look Dardoch In The Eyes

After an embarrassing 0-3 series loss to 100 Thieves, sources report that all Dignitas players and employees are trying their hardest to not look Dardoch in the eyes. Joshua “Dardoch” Hartnett, known for his explosive temper and proven ability to play only one split for each team that rolls the dice on him, is reportedly coming off scarier than ever before.

“Frankly, I’m terrified of him,” said Max “Soligo” Soong, mid laner for Dignitas. “I’m not so much physically threatened—he definitely goes to the gym a lot, but I know for a fact that he maxes out at one plate on the bench press at best. I just think he’s going to fuck with me in some horrible way if I even breathe in his direction. I’m pretty sure that he’ll smother me in my sleep if I say even word one to him. I mean, the man went 0-7 on Udyr, he’s clearly not the picture of mental stability.”

Dardoch’s temper has been previously exposed in the documentary Breaking Point, which followed Team Liquid’s successful attempts to drive Dardoch insane by making him play with KeithMcBrief and Fabbbyyy.

“This is just the beginning,” said Dardoch with rage in his inky black eyes, lifeless and emotionless, like a doll’s. “Do you think someone of my power level would ever feed that much on Udyr? Anyone with a brain stem can play that dogshit champ. Sometimes you don’t even need the brain stem, just look at Trick2g. I could tell that my teammates wanted to give me shit about running it down and spamming Lux emotes, but they know I would do some seriously fucked up shit to them if they even thought about it. Our team chef said ‘hello’ to me when we got back to the house, and let’s just say that he’ll be feeding us only one last time if you catch my meaning.”

“I’ve killed him and will be feeding him to the staff,” Dardoch finished after a heavy silence.

Dignitas management has considered several methods for dealing with Dardoch’s fury, including putting a life-sized effigy of Piglet in his room so that he could stab out his frustrations on that, but even this was unsuccessful. Dignitas was eventually able to bring in Lourlo to calm Dardoch down, and to ask him to please leave the house without taking FakeGod’s other thumb.

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