Dark Souls 4 Was Announced And The Entire Thing Is Just An Ice Level

Development has reportedly begun on a new game in the iconic Dark Souls franchise, infamous for its brutally punishing difficulty. “The fifth installment has to be landmark, so we wanted to reimagine the entire Dark Souls experience,” said Hidetaka Miyazaki, creator of the series. “Which is why we’ve decided to make the entire thing an ice level.”

“You remember in Mario Kart, on that one track with all the little shyguys skating around, where you’d hit a patch of ice and go flying headlong into a freezing river?” stated Miyazaki as part of his presentation. “That’s our key inspiration for this sequel.”

When asked to go into specifics, Miyazaki paused for a moment before elaborating, “You know the Ariandel DLC for the third game? We just skinned the whole game like that and removed any traction your character has at all. Like, those ice block puzzles in Legend of Zelda and Pokemon, where you have to push the block and it’ll keep going until it hits something? That’s how movement is going to work the entire time.”

Asked if enemies would follow this same movement scheme, Miyazaki replied “Oh, no, they’ll be able to turn on a dime. I’m talking pixel-perfect levels of precision here.”

As Miyazaki finished his speech, he clicked a final time on his pointer, prompting the keynote to switch to its final slide, reading, “Fuck you.”